This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
