I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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