Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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