i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
