i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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