i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
