Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
