Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
