I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
