someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize