if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
