Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
