My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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