how can u be prego again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
