Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
