Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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