Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
