How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
