Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
