So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
