LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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