this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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