I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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