Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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