He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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