I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize