WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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