You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
