she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize