I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am available for nakedness
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
