How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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