my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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