please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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