At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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