I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
