had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
