I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
