Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize