I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
