drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
