May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
