just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
