glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
