He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
