yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
