Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
