Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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