I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
