idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You almost got us killed.
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