Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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