there's paper in my vomit.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
