What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
