there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
