Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
