lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize