I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
