You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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