there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
