birth control should be required to get into college
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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