Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
