Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
