I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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