i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
