Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
