Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
