he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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