I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
