so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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