he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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