I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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